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[personal profile] polarbear345
Whoaah, it's been ages since I've write.
so this is the third part.

Title       : Illusion
Pairing  : Sakurai Sho x Aiba Masaki
Rate       : PG-13
Genre   : Romance, Angst
Disc      : nothing
Summary: Sooner or later, I'll have to finish this

We walked down the road holding each other hand. The sun is set already, the crimson skies is getting darker in each of the steps that we take. I feel his hand tightening his hold on me. It sends the warm feeling he’s trying so hard to convey into my heart. I smiled. I’m very happy to have someone who has this much care to comfort me.
Although it’s dark, the streetlights allow people passed by and stared with curious eyes, seeing two grown up men holding each other hand. But, I don’t care. And seems like, he doesn’t care as well. At least, this is what I can do for him, to show my gratitude towards his passionate care for me.
“Ne, Masaki, aren’t you afraid of me? I just confessed to you after all..” he said suddenly. I stopped, pulling him to stop as well.
“Eh? Should I?” I asked, confused. He palmed his face.
“Stupid, this is why you’re an easy target,” He mumbled and pulling my hand to continue walking to my house.
“Eh? What do you mean an easy target?” I asked even more confused.
“Nah, forget it,” he said shaking his head. I keep pestering him about what did he mean. The walk home feels short when we spend it with talking and laughing. I can feel Jun-kun tightening his hold on my hand as we get closer to my house.
“Come on, what do you mean? So stingy,” I pout as I walked backwards pointing my finger to him. He brushed my hand off his face.
“Stop pointing at my face, stop pouting, and stop walking backwards. It’s dangerous, idiot.” He pulled the hand that he’s holding towards him, so I could walk properly again. But I still pout. He sighed. “Man, it’s hopeless with you,” he said scratching his head.
“Let’s see it this way,” he started, “There’s an alley ahead right?” I nodded. “Well, what if I pull you there and take you?” I stopped walking and stared with wide eyes to him.
“You would do that?!” I said with a bulging eyes. He raised his eyebrow, annoyed.
“Of course not. I won’t do anything to you unless you’re agreed to do it.” He said without looking at me. I feel a pang in my heart as I saw how different his expression could be. I grip his hand tighter.
“I’m sorry, Jun-kun,” I whispered. He pulled my hand to keep me walking.
“Nah, it’s okay. To be beside you is enough for me,” he said, smiling tenderly. I return his smile, and giving him a slight squeeze to his hand. “Ah, damn..” Jun-kun stopped. I followed where his eyes staring and unconsciously holding my breath.
There, in front of my house, stand the person who broke me today. He stood there expressionless as he recognized our presence. Jun-kun’s face hardened as well as his hold on my hand.
“Sho-kun, what are you doing here?” Jun-kun asked as we approached him. He carefully watched us, Jun-kun unfriendly gestures, my own depressed face and our joined hands. He stopped to watch our hands longer, his expressions remains the same though.
“We need to talk,” he said after a long silence directly to me, ignoring Jun-kun dreadful glare.
“What the – Are you nuts? How the fuck do you still have the guts to appear here?” Jun-kun shoved Sho-kun shoulder and pulls me to my house, “Go home! I won’t let you talk to Masaki!”
“Who are you deciding for him? I need to talk to him, and I don’t need you to interfere!” Sho-kun grip my other hand as we walked through him.
“Let go of his hand!” Jun-kun intensifying his glare which is gladly being returned in full force.
“You let go of his hand,” Sho-kun pulled my hand towards him.
“Both of you! Let go of my hands!” I pulled my hands off of their death grips. I turned to Jun-kun and pulling him away from Sho-kun. “Thank you for taking me home,” I said with a soft smile. “Maybe,” I hesitated, “..I should talk to him,”
“No, you don’t need to. I don’t want you to be hurt just like this morning. I can’t take it if you’re going to cry like that again just because of that bastard,” he tried to kick in some sense in to my dense head. But I ignore him.
“It’s okay. Sooner or later I’ll have to finish this.” I smiled reassuringly. “I’ll be okay, thank you for being with me all day,”
“Why don’t you just choose me?” he said desperately. I stroked his sad cheeks. “I just want you to be happy, I can make you happy,”
“But, I can’t make you happy,” I said slowly. “I’m just going to hurt you.” He looked down on his feet. So brokenhearted. How cruel of me. I know how painful to be broken, and yet I broke him. “I’m sorry, Jun-kun,” I caress his cheek, he hold my hand there before kissing my palm and gives me a light peck on my forehead.
“He should know that there’s someone better for you than him,” Jun-kun said in snappy tone and holds me before he let go and stroke my hair. “You better not crying again tomorrow,”
Jun-kun goes waving his hand and gone in the corner. I inhaled to calm my racing heart beat before turn to face the other person who looks even colder now. I walked pass him toward the front door and opened the lock. I turned to him and nervously inviting him inside my house.
All the while, I heard a loud siren in my head keep telling me that I’m making a stupid decision. “Please have a seat,” I said, motioning him to sit on the sofa where he sat last night. “Do you want coffee?” I asked, but he just sits there motionless. I sighed and decided making two cup of coffee.
I put the coffee in front of him and then sit across him with the table separating us. For a while, neither of us talking as I took a sip of my coffee and he keep his silent without reverting his gaze, not a second, from me. I feel unexpectedly calm under his gaze, even though I’ll be squirming like a squirrel usually. We both don’t know how to start the conversation, I guess. but, I doubt he is.
“You,” I heard he said in a low voice after a whole 15 minutes of silence. “What are you doing with Jun?” he said with a tone that I’ve never heard him using before. And here I thought he would say something about what happened last night, or this morning, or any of it.
“He’s walking me home, obviously,” I said, ignoring the weight that I suddenly feel on my stomach. “He’s been kind enough to walk me home, I should have been inviting him for tea if it’s not for some guy making a ruckus in front of my house,”
I heard him snort. “So, now I’m just some guy?” he asked in a tone that I know. He’s getting angry. “And here I am skipping my lecture, looking for you everywhere, worrying like stupid man, and saw you holding hands with other guy, and saw that other guy kiss you. And in addition now I’m just ‘some guy’,” I snapped my head towards him. He’s not looking at me anymore, but instead glaring at the coffee that I served with a clenched fist.
“I thought that I have to apologize for what I’ve done last night. I don’t know that I hurt you so bad, until I saw your pained face at the cafeteria. It was the first time you ever snapped at me,” he said in a forced smile. Not even once he looked at me. “I know, I made a big mistake for hurting you, but I just don’t know what to do when you come home with him. I don’t know that anyone will do for you,”
I know that my hand was grabbing the coffee cup by the time he finished his sentences. His white shirt is drenched with coffee that I’m sure will leave a big stained. He looked at me dumbfounded with mouth agape as coffee slid down from his bangs to his face.
“That’s where you’re wrong! I hate this halfhearted feeling of yours! You’re going around teasing and making people think you like them and then go as you please leaving them hanging until you came around again making them having false hope before grounding them again! This is what makes her hates me! This is why I lose my friends! Just because you’re being so indecisive and afraid of losing your fucking fans!” He sat there looking at me as if I’m growing a second head.
“Hurting me? Are you fucking kidding me? What do you expect when someone that you’ve been in love with fucked you, said he loves you and then said he was sorry for taking your virginity the next day?” I let out all the rage that I’ve been holding the whole day towards him. “You’re being full of yourself as always! I thought you know me enough already to know that if it’s just anyone it won’t do. Fuck you and your high and mighty self, Sho-kun,” I panted the last words. I feel my cheeks wet, I don’t know at which point I cry. I crouched to the floor, wiping the tears that won’t stop with the back of my hand. I thought I cried enough in the music room, but this amount of tears is seriously amazing. I feel tired. I lost all the energy that I thought I gained back when I’m with Jun-kun.
“Masaki..” he said slowly after my weeping gets a bit controlled. But I ignored him. I stand slowly, feeling as lifeless as I was this morning.
“I’m going out. Please go home. I don’t want to see you here when I get back.” I dragged my feet towards the door. Taking the bag and jacket that haven’t been stored away with me. “The door is auto locked. So please, go home,” and I closed the door behind me. again leaving Sho-kun there, with I-don’t know-what-kind-of-expression he’s wearing. I know I said that I’ll finish it to Jun-kun, but I don’t think I could. I walked silently in to the night trying to gain myself composure even though my eyes still won’t stop its weeping. I guess, I’m running away.

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