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Title       : Illusion

Pairing  : Sakurai Sho x Aiba Masaki

Rate       : PG-13

Genre   : Romance, Angst

Summary: I don’t know, I fall. Deep. I can't see the bottom.


I breathed slowly. I’ve never ever thought that he would come crashing into my house. He was kind enough to take me home at this kind of hour. But, really, I’ve never thought he would say, “Can I borrow your toilet?” Oh, well, as he kindly took his way around just to take me home safely, I just can’t say no.

It bothers me after he’s done with his business, he plopped down beside me on the couch watching some late night movies. I supposed it would be impolite if I asked why he didn’t go home, and so I asked, “Wanna drink something?” He took the remote control and changed the channel.

“Anything’s fine. Got any alcohol?” he said as I got up from the couch and moving to the kitchen.

“Yeah, I have some beers on the refrigerator,” I said, taking out the beers I bought yesterday. I made some side dishes before coming to him in front of the TV.

“Thanks,” he said as he gulped down a can of beer. I know very well that he is a heavy drinker. Seriously, nothing in this situation seems right. What the hell is up when we both drink in my house, just the both of us? Not good. We drink in silence, talking once in a while when there were scenes that worth commenting.

“Today is tiring,” he said as he stretched his arm and laid his right arm behind me. “But, I’ve never thought that walking would be so much fun,”

“Haha, you should hang out more with us,” I said as I drink the last bit of beer in my can, I can feel his fingers twirling around my hair.

“Oh, right, like we would rise up another war,” he said rolling his eyes. “It’s frightened me, you know, to be that possessive towards me when I’m not even hers,” I was silent, staring at the empty can of beers. Yeah, he is hanging out with me means a war between us. That’s why, it’s seriously making me anxious when he came here. It’s like I’m making a sin.

“Maybe you should go home,” I said quietly. His fingers motion stopped.

“Oh, come on.” I could feel his intense gaze towards me. “Do you think what we do is wrong? I’m not hers, I’m free to choose anyone to hang out with,”

“I’m feeling anxious, I know we are friends. But in her eyes we’re not just friends, she thought that there is something else between us,”  I said. She’s right. I feel much more in my heart.

“Look at me,” he said after a long silence. I sighed.

“Sho-kun, I’m going to sleep now, feel free to use the couch, or you can go home. Good night,” I said as I got up, leaving him with I-don’t-know-what-kind-of-expression-I-don’t-wanna-know to my room. I slowly closed the door behind me and slumped down against it.

I palmed my face, frustrated. I’ve been thinking a lot these days about our relationship. Yes, I know very well that she likes Sho-kun for quite sometimes. She even said she’s jealous when she saw how we could be so close to him. I know that.

Sho-kun is a very kind man. He couldn’t say no if someone asked him for help. He is very nice to everyone, so sometimes girls mistook his kindness as something else. That’s what happens to her, and now happening to me. Everyone could easily fall in love with him. Including me.

I never thought she would be this jealous though. Sho-kun is a playful man, so he often teases us, not only me, but the other member as well. Too bad, I often played along with his game and showed how close we are. I can’t see why she thought we have some special bonding. It hurts me. Since she is my best friend and she hates me now. I have a too big pride to ask or explain anything to her. She judge me, she misunderstood me, and she has no intention in asking me. She doesn’t believe me.

I pull my hair in desperation. I don’t know how it went this way. Sho-kun realizes how she is jealous of me. He even told me about that. That surprised me a little, because he is not the type who would spoil that kind of thing. I just can guess that he’s also bothered by it. Since then he hangs out more with me and my friends instead of her. Of course she hates me even more.

She didn’t really say that she’s jealous, but every single bit of her facial expression is just saying so. How should I suppose to act if she didn’t say anything to me? And so, we act as if nothing happened. Both wearing mask, we are all fake. I throw the empty can of beer that I brought to the wall. This is frustrating.

I really don’t know who to blame. It’s too cruel if I blame Sho-kun for making our friendship become this complicated. It’s none of my intention to make him close to me. He came by himself to hang out with me. I didn’t mean to snatch him away. It’s him that made the choices, and she hates me for it. Unfair.

I sighed, got up and walking towards the bed. I pull off the bed cover. I guess he’s staying over. I fold it carefully and going back to the living room where he sat motionless, watching the tv with a blank eyes. I sighed again.

“Sho-kun, I’m sorry, if you wanna stay over, you have to sleep in the couch,” I said as I put a pillow and the bed cover beside him. He turned his head to look at me.

“I don’t need it, I don’t really like using a blanket to sleep,” he said as he gives the bed cover back. I stand there, looking at him with unpleasant eyes.

“Sho-kun, don’t be like this, at least I want to afford you with something comfortable,” I said offering the bed cover back. He rolled his eyes, got up from the couch and forced the bed cover back at me.

“Masaki, don’t be so stubborn,” he said as he held his face close to mine. I could feel his breath fanning across my face.

“I am not stubborn, I just don’t want you to get cold,” I said pushing the bed cover to him, looking at his eyes with a stern look. He rolled his eyes again and sighed.

“You’re definitely stubborn,” He said. I don’t know what gets into him, nor me. I hold my breath as his face getting so close. His nose touched mine. He closed his eyes. My heart race as if it’s going to explode. As he get closer my eyelids feel heavier, I closed my eyes.  I nearly tasted his lips when I finally snapped out of that spell. I pull myself back and he opened his eyes.

“Damn, Masaki, I don’t need the bed cover, use it, and I almost kiss you too,” he said in desperation.

“W—Whatever, Sho-kun, good night,” I said, running into my room and locked it. I tried to slow my heart beat rates, though it seems impossible. He almost kissed me!  God. I know it’s not good if there’re only the two of us.  I touched my lips. I sat there for I-don’t-know-how-long until I heard a desperate sigh on the other side.

“Masaki, I don’t think I can sleep tonight,” he said slowly. I blushed. “My heart can’t slow itself down,”

“Me either,” I said. I can hear his snort. “Sorry, I really didn’t mean to kiss you, I don’t know what gets into me,” he said. I clutched my chest.

“I know, why you would want to kiss me, hahaha,” I said in less humor. I don’t know what kind of expression he’s wearing now. But, I hear another sighed from the other side.

“I think I’m going home,” he said slowly. “I’m sorry I have troubled you, see you tomorrow then,” I know he’s still standing in front of my door waiting for my reply. I’m trying so hard to calm my painful heartbeat.

“Yes, be careful on your way home,” I said, standing up and sticking myself to the door to hear the sound of his breathing right on the other side.

“You’re not going to send me home?” he asked quietly. And that makes me realize that I’m being impolite.

“Ah, I’m sorry Sho-kun, I’m being impolite,” I opened the door quickly only to find myself being pushed back to the room by a hard body. He pushed me around and holding me against the door.

“Ouch! It hurts,” I mumbled. “Sho-kun! What are you—hmmph—!”  He kissed me hard on the lips. I feel his tongue on my lips, asking for entrance. I stubbornly closed my lips, trying so hard to push away his body, which is a futile action since I’m too skinny to go against his muscular body. He ground his thighs against my groin, and I moaned unconsciously. He successfully entered my mouth, licking every crook and teeth in my mouth. He didn’t even give me time to take a breath. I feel my chest tightened, air leaving my chest, I struggled hard enough to get away from his kiss. I breathed hard, he’s still kissing my cheek and moved to my neck. I moaned.

“Sho-kun—nnngh—what are you doing? Nngh—let me go,” I said while he’s sucking my neck, leaving mark, I guess. Damn. He didn’t say anything, he gripped my cheeks and give me another desperate kiss. I moaned. Why the hell he is so good at kissing? My mind goes blank. I can’t think of anything anymore. Before I knew it, I’m already on my bed, sprawled, naked, with him hovering over me. Are we going to do it? Seriously? My mind screamed. But the only thing that came out of my mouth is moans and his name. I’m gonna hate myself after this.



And so, I'm writing a multichapter I guess.  I'm not really in the mood to write any NC, since somehow I feel a bit nausea every time I heard the word "sex". I don't know when will I be updating the fic. soon, I hope. it's kinda gloomy here, so it's gonna affect my fic. haha, please be kind on me..
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